Little boy being bathed by his mother and pointing at his privates says: "Mommy, are these my brains?" Mommy answers: "Not yet."
Humor 4
Subject: AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:
I checked this out on Snopes and it's for real! AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES: 1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
I checked this out on Snopes and it's for real! AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES: 1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
An elderly man with a cane boards a packed city bus. With no place to sit, he slips and catches himself with the strap above. Sitting next to him is a young kid and his father. The young kid says to the old man: "You know, if you put a rubber thing on the end of that you won't slip and have an accident." To which the old man replies": "You know, if your dad man had put a rubber tip on the end of his, I'd have a seat."
Mom and dad are looking in their sons room when they find a bunch of sex magazines such as leather and leashes,whips and chains, the mother cries to her husband: "What should we do about this?" Husbands says: "I dont know but I wouldnt spank him."
HAPPY NEW YEAR
There are 4 people on an airplane: the pilot, the smartest man in the world, a preacher, and a teenager. About halfway through the flight the engines cut out so they're going to have to exit the plane. The problem: there were only 3 parachutes. They are arguing about who is going to get a parachute.
The pilot yells: "I'm married and have 4 kids! My family needs me!" So he grabs a 'chute, puts it on, and jumps out of the plane.
The 'smartest man in the world yells: "I'm the smartest man in the world needs me!", puts on a 'chute and jumps out of the plane.
The preacher turns to the teenager and says: "Well son. I' ve lived a long life; I know where I'm going when I die. You take the last parachute." "Sir, there are 2 parachutes left", the kid says.
The preacher scratches his head and asks: "How could there be 2 parachutes left?" "Well", the teen says, "the smartest man in the world just jumped out with my backpack".
The pilot yells: "I'm married and have 4 kids! My family needs me!" So he grabs a 'chute, puts it on, and jumps out of the plane.
The 'smartest man in the world yells: "I'm the smartest man in the world needs me!", puts on a 'chute and jumps out of the plane.
The preacher turns to the teenager and says: "Well son. I' ve lived a long life; I know where I'm going when I die. You take the last parachute." "Sir, there are 2 parachutes left", the kid says.
The preacher scratches his head and asks: "How could there be 2 parachutes left?" "Well", the teen says, "the smartest man in the world just jumped out with my backpack".
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"
